day 2: my life in a suitcase.

once again. i'm heading back home. though there still are two weeks to go, i'm already packing my suitcases. i have more memories than i thought and as always it's a quiet sad process. going through stuff and memories. one by one. and i'm running out of space in my suitcases.
i hope things will work out at home. that spain and i possibly never were meant to be. right now there is no time to find out.
i hope that this year i'll begin to study at the university. and of course that i'll find a job. and that i don't have to wait 6 more months to have one. i like travel. i do. but the fact is that i have to choose. i think that just yet i'm not ready to travel the world, and the fact that i'm still young i'll wait to after the university. i've already made some plans for the next couple of years. and i'm really considering to go to sweden and live. and i'm hoping (don't read: desperate) that i'll be able to have an apartment so later on my boyfriend can come. but you know, international love can be difficult some would say impossible. and i don't want to cry for the next 2,5 years about our decision we made. nor would i ever argument for my feelings. people make their decision. and i don't expect that people (especially my family) would ever understand. to be honest i feel that my family somehow is trying to hold me back for what i want: live, travel and love. but i also know the importance of education. but i guess i need to make some goals. one of them should probably be: be independent. some would also say that it's important to listen to the family. but why? isn't it way more important to listen to yourself? make your own decision? live your own life?
for almost a year i've been living in a suitcase. now it's time to open it for a while. but i'll never close it. sometimes it's important to put new things in it and sometimes take some of the old things out of it. when there isn't more space in it, it's time to change it. never close it, never open it widely. for me it's unfinished business. for me it's life.